Communication with the Self

Introduction

Human beings define themselves, based on how they experience the world around them. We compare and contrast different people, places, events; even objects. Out of these concepts, we decide what we like and dislike, and then use them to create our thoughts, feelings, and actions. As we navigate these experiences, we start to see various qualities emerge from ourselves. Qualities that others might perceive as well. This manner of introspection is part of what we need as self-aware individuals. It challenges us to consider how we might be affecting the world around us, and how it is affecting us. Considering our qualities also gives us clues as to what we value in ourselves and the world. My name is Bleauregard von Kasadu, and I am here to explore what qualities have emerged within me. I have been asked to list ten words to describe myself, ten words that a close friend would use to describe me, and ten words a casual acquaintance would use to describe me. The similarities and differences between our answers will be analyzed to determine what may be accurate or circumstantial to my life. I will conclude this report with what I have learned by conducting this activity.

My Ten Words

The ten words I would use to describe myself are: Self-Aware, Inquisitive, Creative, Humorous, Analytical, Tenacious, Intelligent, Dexterous, Clumsy, and Frugal. I owe my humorous nature to my brother and father, mostly. It could be described as “sarcastic and witty”. My creative potential was inspired by my family, overall. Grandma Cookie makes all sorts of crafts. Aunt Dawn paints, and makes jewelry. My mother used to make scrapbooks and embroidery. Grandma Priddy made all sorts of holiday cards, beautiful paintings, and pastries. My brother sketches, and my father can create the most luxurious calligraphy. Holly, my sister, is really good with interior design. I play guitar, a djembe, write poetry, color pictures, make hemp necklaces, and write stories. My family has also inspired me to become frugal by nature, since we were all raised to make due with what we had available to us. There are times I can be both dexterous and clumsy too, but neither of those qualities were born from interactions with my family. I spent a year, studying Shaolin Martial Arts independently, where I learned about how my body flows as it moves. These movements became especially important in a commercial kitchen, where I worked as a dish washer, a prep cook, then a line cook. In these environments, I had to learn to not only complete a quick task, but do it well, and in anticipation of my next five or so tasks. I am actually known to be so focused that I stumble over things I fail to watch out for, due to thinking so deeply about my tasks. Though I chose the word “self-aware” as one of my qualities, clearly it is not accurate to say that I am self-aware all of the time. I may ponder on my actions before making them more often than others I compare myself to, but in no way does that mean that I am incapable of acting impulsively. Neither does my habit of introspection mean that I am incapable of being unaware of times I have wronged another. Being self-aware not only means that I am aware of my actions and reactions, but also that I can be quite naive and inconsiderate. As you may notice, I can be rather inquisitive and analytical as well. I strive for knowledge and understanding, which I tend to analyze my experiences just to grasp that understanding. It allows me to navigate this world with more finesse, and gives me insight into how I should act and react to help instead of harm. I believe I have become intelligent as a result of my ongoing journey. I have a vast knowledge base, full of techniques and recipes that can improve the lives of so many people. There is a plan I set myself up for based on what I know, which has determined my path for the rest of my life. I have actually become tenacious in my resolve as I continue to build my vision. Even if I died, I would seek to defy the laws of the dead just to finish my work.

Jeremiah and Matthew

The people I chose to include in this venture of self-discovery are two friends that know me on two different levels; Jeremiah and Matthew. Jeremiah is an acquaintance of mine that I met, while working at Chipotle Mexican Grill. He worked the grill and I worked the register, so we had just enough close interactions to know each other. Though, we were rarely in an environment that allowed for deeper conversations about ourselves. He could only really have a superficial perspective of me, unless he was really that good at judging someone else’s character. My guess was that he would choose words, demonstrating his understanding of my plan to help re-mediate the planet. Much of our conversations consisted of technologies and techniques we have shared with one another, and so I predicted that his thoughts of me will tend towards those conversations. Matthew, on the other hand, has seen every side of me there is to see. Of all my friends, he has been around the longest. Him and I met in high school, and have taken turns helping each other out of different struggles ever since. When we consider our perspectives of others, we tend to think about our relationships with those people; how they have affected us. As such, I suspect Matthew will pick descriptive words that emphasis our friendship.

Jeremiah chose the words: Eccentric, Knowledgeable, Caring, Self-Aware, Positive, Supportive, Curious, Considerate, Appreciative, and Friend. Matthew chose the words: Thoughtful, Intelligent, Cautious, Loyal, Multi-talented, Self-conscious, Informative, Entertaining, Observant, and Over-thinker.

Comparison

When I compare and contrast these qualities among the ones I have come up with for myself, I can see patterns emerge. First of all, the words are all generally positive (including the qualities I perceive of myself). This could mean that I exude enough of a positive vibe to really capture that image in the minds of the people around me, and within my internal environment. It could also mean that others are too nice to tell me how they really feel. Instead, I trust myself and the opinions of the people I asked. I trust that I am a “supportive, considerate, and appreciative friend”, as Jeremiah mentioned. Matthew said I was loyal. They see these qualities in me, because these are qualities that I openly share with them. I have struggled, have caused struggle, and have seen struggle without being able to do anything about it. Based on what I have learned, I try to help ease suffering in people as much as possible. Another variable I notice is that both Jeremiah and I use the word “self-aware” to describe me. This particular word could also supported by all three of us, mentioning my intelligence. Jeremiah said I am “knowledgeable”, “thoughtful”, and “curious”. Matthew said I am “intelligent”, “thoughtful”, “informative”, and “observant”. I said I am “intelligent”, “inquisitive”, and “analytical”. These correlations could leave me to believe that I am indeed an intelligent, inquisitive, and observant individual. Not necessarily because of the data- for there are only three perspectives to compare- but because their ideas align with preconceived notions already developed within me. They are validating my beliefs about myself. We also have memories that enforce those beliefs, such as when we have helped each other or shared information.

Contrast

Of course, both gentlemen have differences among their choices. Jeremiah said I am “eccentric”, while Matthew said I was “cautious” and an “over-thinker”. It is possible that because of how I acted in relation to the work environment of Chipotle, Jeremiah saw me as fundamentally different than others around me. Matthew did not emphasis this nature in me, because our in-group consisted of people who were perceived as being different than the “norm”. To him, I was the same. This is why I think Matthew has a more in-depth understanding of me. He also demonstrated that he knew one of my biggest struggles in life, my anxiety. He picked the words “cautious” and “over-thinker”, which was a respectful way to make light of that struggle. Matthew also knows a side of me that not many have been able to see just yet. He mentioned that I was “multi-talented” and “entertaining”, which makes sense on a deeper level. Him and I used to be part of an entertainment production crew (called “SoulTribe”), where we co-hosted our own open-mic shows to gather potential customers for the local carousel. We also played at bars. Matthew and I were able to witness each other’s stage presence several times, and we see each other in a positive light as a form of our support. Those times really helped to develop our friendship.

Conclusion

If I could take away one lesson from this case study, it would be that we develop our understanding of others based on our experiences with them. At first, we may act superficially in order to gain the approval of others. The qualities we exhibit may even align with what we hold true to ourselves anyway, while bad habits and controversial beliefs stay buried in a deeper layer of our personalities. With time, the individuals we once sought to impress may become acquainted with those parts of ourselves that we kept hidden. For instance, both Jeremiah and Matthew see me as a good-natured scholar, because that is what I choose to practice and believe. Others have taught me to act this way, and it has shown to be rewarding. It is such a strong belief that one can see me as such, whether they know me deeply or barely. It is easy for me to present this part of my personality, especially when these qualities are so easily approved of by society. Jeremiah happens to believe I am eccentric, which I expect many to think when I have such a unique way of navigating. One may develop that understanding by observing how I interact with them and others. Matthew understands my way of thinking, so I am not so different to him. We grew to understand our similarities better than our differences, based on the experiences we have had with one another. It is interesting to note that Matthew is Hispanic, as are his whole family. Jeremiah is assumed to be of Norwegian descent. I am of Irish descent. Despite the cultural differences and similarities, Matthew and I understand each other better than Jeremiah and I. What I have come to understand about perception is that we leave emotional impressions people, through the memories we co-create. People then use these memories as references when they try to figure out what sort of individuals we are. Unfortunately, it is a common practice for people to be quick in their judgments. As if a few short interactions are enough to weigh the value of a particular individual, or to assume they carry certain qualities without thorough analysis. It can take as much as twenty separate interactions to change the mind of someone you left a bad first impression on, which I see as fragile and immature by nature. I would be interested in gathering further data, to see what is perceived of me on a broader scale. Certainly, the opinions of two individuals are not enough to say “this is the impression I leave on people”. And yet, I feel like I have a better grasp of that concept now.